she threw out all the happy endings.

Total Icon Count: 15

Teasers:

( 8 Merlin, 7 X Files )

IDK when this picture is from but I don't care, it's officially my fav Merlin cast photo. I just want to mish them all and their adorableness.




in creative news, I'm working on my merlin20in20 icons for the months (challenging myself by doing Gwen & Morgana who you know, I think are adorable, but not who I usually focus on, ie not Colin). outlined my next love_bingo story but havent begun the actual writing process because... I like the idea, I do, and I think it deals with a subject that for myself I would like to address (namely Uhura and her relationship with reboot!Spock) but at the same time I feel completely overwhelmed just thinking about trying to write Uhura.

Language, foreign language, is something I struggle with IRL. It's one of my very very irritating and inescapably lazy Americanisms. I did not learn a second language growing up and only took the bare req's for foreign language in HS. In HS I had to study Spanish because it was the only thing offered (I personally wanted to study French or Arabic). I was motivated, because I feel like my inability to speak anything besides English is a rather terrible ethnocentric failing. But I have a terrible ear for it and an even more useless tongue. I did try and take first quarter spanish in community college and struggled to get a good grade. My professor very laughingly told me that I would always sound like a really really obvious gringo. I'm surrounded by white people, who only speak English. I'm not really exposed to anything else. ever. (ok, not true, I do hear lots of Asian dialects floating around but I have an even slimmer chance of understand them >.>).

And I just-- the thought of trying to write from the perspective of a linguist really terrifies me. But at the same time this story, it could eat a piece of my heart if I let it because to me it feels important, something tiny and significant and meaningful to this character.

Wow, verbal vomit. wasn't actually expecting to say all of that but its true. I just need to address these insecurities and jump in and say fuck and write this story anyways. *determined face*

So yesterday I met with my academic advisor for the first time, super nice lady, super cool! reaffirmed how I should stick with wsu because my program really is cool. My official transcripts from SPSCC arrived as well though I am still waiting for the admissions office to lift my hold on registration. Much fear and trepidation concerning this. Though, if everything does go to shit and they pull my admissions I guess I will just finangle some online classes from my community college, finish my AA and reapply for next year. >.> the lengths to which i complicate my own life are astounding.


On another note, I've been devouring Merlin fic like an insane hungry thing. I went through a brief (6 month?) period of Dean/Castiel reading back during season 4/parts of 5 of SPN but otherwise have remained rather fandom free since SGA ended. There's quite a lot of delicious fic out there. Possibly I will make a delicious site for my own edification lol.

A few things though have triggered a knee jerk reaction in me (there are certain types of change, for example, that cause me MUCH anxiety). Namely, that it feels like after a healthy 1-2yrs of Merlin fandom, quite a few of the people (who I've followed in Stargate, semi-spin and now Merlin) seemed to have dropped completely and inexplicably out of the fandom after season 2ish? A part of me wonders, because after the first couple episodes of s1 I didn't follow it till after s3 was already airing, was there a big gap between airing seasons 2 and 3? was there a large fandom backlash to how things played out in season 2? It puzzles me exceedingly. And makes me increasingly sad, because I have this terrible habit of jumping on a fandom train during the last leg of it's journey (ie Buffy, Angel, SPN). I think SGA was one of the few I was onboard with from, if not the beginning, close to the beginning (Rodney McKay will remain one of my favorite things to happen, ever, forever)

Second knee jerk reaction-- Dreamwidth. It somewhat mystifies me why so many people moved over there. I mean, yes, there are no adds, but the adds on livejournal really arent that horrible. And almost everyone who posts over there still crossposts to livejournal anyways. And the people who don't fill me with minor flutterings of dread because there could be things I'm missing, awesome nuggets of awesomeness and I wouldn't even know. >.> I might have to get an account just to calm the little voice in my head that cries at people changing. Dreamwidth reminds me a bit of when GreatestJournal came out except how no one actually transferred to greatest journal and the movement died a quiet death.


And on the creative front...

I have not made icons /facepalm but I will. I always feel inspired to work on art when I'm sitting in the CUB bored to death but I don't have photoshop on my laptop. And I've been rather tired by the time I get home so all I feel like doing is curling up under the comforter with my laptop. It's a vicious cycle.

I have this notion for a sweeping epic Merlin fic inspired by Atonement. The scope of the idea, however, terrifies me. I wish I could have little, sweet fic ideas to cut my teeth on, instead of epics. /sigh


I need to get a job.

Drive by, tiny icon most. First time making anything with PSCS in about a year or so.

( Icons - Merlin )