she threw out all the happy endings.

Took my final today, now I have to wait until monday I think to see my grades for the semester. Crossing my fingers that i somehow miraculously pull out with two Cs and can remain in school. If not, it's expulsion and I'm not entirely sure what to do from there. I already signed another yr on my lease and there's no way in hell I tell my parents that I managed to flunk out of university.

Not going to think about it, I'm going to cling to the illusion that maybe my proffs will give me C's.

So yesterday I met with my academic advisor for the first time, super nice lady, super cool! reaffirmed how I should stick with wsu because my program really is cool. My official transcripts from SPSCC arrived as well though I am still waiting for the admissions office to lift my hold on registration. Much fear and trepidation concerning this. Though, if everything does go to shit and they pull my admissions I guess I will just finangle some online classes from my community college, finish my AA and reapply for next year. >.> the lengths to which i complicate my own life are astounding.


On another note, I've been devouring Merlin fic like an insane hungry thing. I went through a brief (6 month?) period of Dean/Castiel reading back during season 4/parts of 5 of SPN but otherwise have remained rather fandom free since SGA ended. There's quite a lot of delicious fic out there. Possibly I will make a delicious site for my own edification lol.

A few things though have triggered a knee jerk reaction in me (there are certain types of change, for example, that cause me MUCH anxiety). Namely, that it feels like after a healthy 1-2yrs of Merlin fandom, quite a few of the people (who I've followed in Stargate, semi-spin and now Merlin) seemed to have dropped completely and inexplicably out of the fandom after season 2ish? A part of me wonders, because after the first couple episodes of s1 I didn't follow it till after s3 was already airing, was there a big gap between airing seasons 2 and 3? was there a large fandom backlash to how things played out in season 2? It puzzles me exceedingly. And makes me increasingly sad, because I have this terrible habit of jumping on a fandom train during the last leg of it's journey (ie Buffy, Angel, SPN). I think SGA was one of the few I was onboard with from, if not the beginning, close to the beginning (Rodney McKay will remain one of my favorite things to happen, ever, forever)

Second knee jerk reaction-- Dreamwidth. It somewhat mystifies me why so many people moved over there. I mean, yes, there are no adds, but the adds on livejournal really arent that horrible. And almost everyone who posts over there still crossposts to livejournal anyways. And the people who don't fill me with minor flutterings of dread because there could be things I'm missing, awesome nuggets of awesomeness and I wouldn't even know. >.> I might have to get an account just to calm the little voice in my head that cries at people changing. Dreamwidth reminds me a bit of when GreatestJournal came out except how no one actually transferred to greatest journal and the movement died a quiet death.


And on the creative front...

I have not made icons /facepalm but I will. I always feel inspired to work on art when I'm sitting in the CUB bored to death but I don't have photoshop on my laptop. And I've been rather tired by the time I get home so all I feel like doing is curling up under the comforter with my laptop. It's a vicious cycle.

I have this notion for a sweeping epic Merlin fic inspired by Atonement. The scope of the idea, however, terrifies me. I wish I could have little, sweet fic ideas to cut my teeth on, instead of epics. /sigh


I need to get a job.

i'm not dead, now that anyone reads this but i put it down for myself.

i am not dead.

school and work are insane this quarter and i'm only just about to really hit my stride for it (we're talking, about to pick up 16 more hrs of in class time/week in addition to what i'm already doing)


i havent been up to much, honestly, besides school and work...doing some sketching, a little painting, working on knitting a baby cardigan for my expecting sister, writing not much of anything (i think i've manage about 500 words of Big Band so far this month OOPS) and i need to go work on homework actually so i dont see that changing but who knows right?

made it up the wall (yes yes, easy peasy 5.5 but still it was a triumph for little old me) at AlpineEx to the cheers of my friends. found a great little yoga studio i really need to start going to regularly and have had absolutely no time to go kayaking *cries* but i comfort myself with the notion that i just have to hold out for september.

whats up with you world?

3/7 pages done. 2 hrs left. easy peasy ;)

parentals yelling at all hrs of the morning the past two nights = not good sleeping and therefore extreme tiredness. *sigh* and now i've lost my only pencil. whhhhhhy? it was a really nice pencil, sharpened evenly and still have an eraser. i swear i stuck it in my sketchbook at work but its not there anymore.

i have a ton of hw i need to get done but gosh, i just want to fall asleep where i'm sitting. i've been so good about going to bed before 11pm so i get a full nights rest that this is really hitting me badly.

i continue to watch SPN. i love the brother's interaction.

Sometimes i sound so much like Bridget Jones (unintentionally) that i scare myself.

got crutches (and boy, arent those their own pain in the ass) only for it to snow so my mom drove me in to school where we were late for my first class and then before she could let me out at the SUB the campus police started closing off parts of the parking lot. fun eh? so we went back home where i have called/txted everyone at work trying to get someone to cover me and NO one can do it *flail* i left a msg on one girl's machine and she hasn't gotten back to me so *crosses fingers* though i'm not too hopeful. i've got 4 hrs to get someone.

hmm, today i really need to fax in my education verification so i can get my copy of Creative Suit ordered and in the mail ( i need it by monday WAH).

think i shall go check up on sga_flashfic and see if a new challenge has been posted.

I've finish 2/3 research essays for Oceanography for this week (all due by wednesday night). i'm very proud, this second one was quite difficult to find a topic for.

in Anthropology news, our term paper requires us to study a culture or subculture with which we are not affiliated and actually do *field work*. i feel vageuly daunted because i'm not good in social situations where i dont know anyone (obviously, anthropological work probably isnt for me -_-) but i think i have a topic (ie subculture group) that might be feasible and not too painful. i'm thinking i'll study college resident hall residents and go spend a couple nights with M at university. i can come up a couple pretty convincing arguments that they really are their own subculture so *crosses fingers*

must now fly to work. AGGG, never a moment of spare time.

and jeez, finance is some seriously complicated shit. the equations are monstrous with variables floating around all over the place and its sort of ... *blink* i think i want those happy problems where i just ad to find the rate at which stuff was falling or the position of a particle moving at a certain point in time *sigh*

i'm so going to fail ceramics. *shame*


ugg, annuity, why much you be so so so *shakes sad little fist*

I just want to register damnit.

So, i very foolishly listened to my freshman advisor when i registered for summer quarter and NOW I"M TOTALLY AND TRULY FUCKED. I'm in the completely wrong math track and this math proff i emailed says i have to go back and take MATH 140, 141 and 142 when i'm totally qualified to be in math 142 THIS quarter *crycrycry* I'm so frustrated. and i cant register for classes until my bloody cont-student-advisor gives me my PIN number and i couldnt find her office on advising day *which i didnt want to go to because she was talking about getting an Associate of Business DT which i DONT WANT* and i already have all my classes picked out and scheduled.

this thing is, i can read a schedule, its not hard. it *really isnt* i dont need to talk to anymore advisors who dont understand how i think and what sort of degree i want when *I* dont know what degree specifically i want. i want to keep it open, take some classes, find out what i'm good at. i dont want to get locked into a degree program right now. GRAR. and thats exactly what they've done.

Pisses me off. Now i've got 10 credits i dont need. ARG

I am NOT cooling my heels in math 140, it would be such a waste of fucking time. I took calculus and self taught myself Linear Alg in High School, i really dont need to take fucking College Algebra.




And my show is still cancelled.




Nano please come already, i need something else to distract myself with.

GAH, 73 notecards (2 of them just pg numbers to a whole gaggle of facts i didnt feel like writing down) from 9 sources. I feel like if i have to do anything more tonight my head is going to explode but i STILL have to watch U-571 and then actually *write* the darn paper.

i'm going to need a lot more tea.

Update on the job hunt, the number of applications is up to 8 with Walgreens and Coldstone (both 6/03). I'm really starting to get desperate now. Pretty soon i'm going to start sending my resume to people wanting office receptionists -_-