nightly musings
Jul. 8th, 2005 10:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
winter_rogueits sort of sad how much i haunt wraithbait. like, constantly browsing through the catagories and refreshing the recently added.
i reiterate that relationships, or more specifically, break-ups really suck. i understand now how much a lie the line "i still want us to be friends" is ... and i'm the one who was saying it -_- i guess though, truthfully the only thing this has done is brought out all our differences into sharper detail. you never know a person until you live with them for more then a day--like, in their house.
i understand i'm sort of messy in that things tend to get stacked up piles instead of being put away or i'll leave clothes hanging up off doorhandles for a day before putting them in my closet but when it comes to just .. *clean* i'm more then a tad obsessive compulsive (i wish i had the USA channel so i could watch Monk because i sympathize with the character. not to such a degree but more then the ex for example)
and on top of that i'm a feminist, semi-all natural save the world, academic at heart who likes the great out doors and likes to go swimming and laugh and enjoy life and not wallow in the dread and dreary--thats for movies and books and music and i love sadness and hardship in those but in my own life i'd rather just be respected and have a good time and be happy or better..joyful. and in most respects the ex does not feel the same and while as friends we glossed these differences over with inanity, they've all just ... i dunno, became so much more obvious.
going to idaho i realized even before the great "seriously not into girls" epiphany that i could never live with her. it would drive me out of my mind. i love animals, i have no problem with animals. but they're dirty, no matter how clean they are they are still dirty and i cant live with a lint roller in my pocket. i just cant. yet if i stay in a house with pets i have to have one because thats one of my OCs (obsessive compulsives).
i cannot live on resturant food or tasteless frozen chicken nuggets or pop. not only do they make me sick as all hell (i have EXTREAMLY close to puking my guts out several nights i was there and i never puke, even on those occasions i wish i could) but i just cannot stand the blahness.
clothes on the floor. urgg, just ugg. because even if they were clean when they went on the floor they arent anymore because floors are always dirty. especially when you have pets. my room may be messy and have little floorspace (its small already and then i've got a bed, computer + big wooden desk and 5 bookcases) but i do not have clothes on my floor, ever, and i would say it looks cleaner for that.
never opening a bloody window. ever. i dont understand the desire to live in a room that smells musty in a bad way (not the good, leather and books musty this is the "no actually trash can, clothes on the floor, running computer in the corner" musty. i like the smell of the wide ocean and the smell of rain on grass and the smell freshly chipped pine or evergreen trees in winter.
does this make me picky, high maintenance, and annally retentative? i dont think so. i'm really rather laid back. i could probably deal with the never cooking or never eating any food with any actual flavor to it. but i could never live my life stuck inside all the time. even one days i spend glued to the comp i always run outside during the gloaming and wander around barefoot through the grass. always. i'll go stark raving stir crazy (we're talking violent pacing or jittering and development of the munchies - nothing too wierd but like, pickled hot cauliflower out of the jar with triskets and the last of the craisens -) if i'm stuck around the house for more then a couple days.
am i stupid for hoping i'll find someone whose as smart or smarter then me, who likes flavor and fun and likes living and isnt a total slob?
maybe. but god i hope not.
i reiterate that relationships, or more specifically, break-ups really suck. i understand now how much a lie the line "i still want us to be friends" is ... and i'm the one who was saying it -_- i guess though, truthfully the only thing this has done is brought out all our differences into sharper detail. you never know a person until you live with them for more then a day--like, in their house.
i understand i'm sort of messy in that things tend to get stacked up piles instead of being put away or i'll leave clothes hanging up off doorhandles for a day before putting them in my closet but when it comes to just .. *clean* i'm more then a tad obsessive compulsive (i wish i had the USA channel so i could watch Monk because i sympathize with the character. not to such a degree but more then the ex for example)
and on top of that i'm a feminist, semi-all natural save the world, academic at heart who likes the great out doors and likes to go swimming and laugh and enjoy life and not wallow in the dread and dreary--thats for movies and books and music and i love sadness and hardship in those but in my own life i'd rather just be respected and have a good time and be happy or better..joyful. and in most respects the ex does not feel the same and while as friends we glossed these differences over with inanity, they've all just ... i dunno, became so much more obvious.
going to idaho i realized even before the great "seriously not into girls" epiphany that i could never live with her. it would drive me out of my mind. i love animals, i have no problem with animals. but they're dirty, no matter how clean they are they are still dirty and i cant live with a lint roller in my pocket. i just cant. yet if i stay in a house with pets i have to have one because thats one of my OCs (obsessive compulsives).
i cannot live on resturant food or tasteless frozen chicken nuggets or pop. not only do they make me sick as all hell (i have EXTREAMLY close to puking my guts out several nights i was there and i never puke, even on those occasions i wish i could) but i just cannot stand the blahness.
clothes on the floor. urgg, just ugg. because even if they were clean when they went on the floor they arent anymore because floors are always dirty. especially when you have pets. my room may be messy and have little floorspace (its small already and then i've got a bed, computer + big wooden desk and 5 bookcases) but i do not have clothes on my floor, ever, and i would say it looks cleaner for that.
never opening a bloody window. ever. i dont understand the desire to live in a room that smells musty in a bad way (not the good, leather and books musty this is the "no actually trash can, clothes on the floor, running computer in the corner" musty. i like the smell of the wide ocean and the smell of rain on grass and the smell freshly chipped pine or evergreen trees in winter.
does this make me picky, high maintenance, and annally retentative? i dont think so. i'm really rather laid back. i could probably deal with the never cooking or never eating any food with any actual flavor to it. but i could never live my life stuck inside all the time. even one days i spend glued to the comp i always run outside during the gloaming and wander around barefoot through the grass. always. i'll go stark raving stir crazy (we're talking violent pacing or jittering and development of the munchies - nothing too wierd but like, pickled hot cauliflower out of the jar with triskets and the last of the craisens -) if i'm stuck around the house for more then a couple days.
am i stupid for hoping i'll find someone whose as smart or smarter then me, who likes flavor and fun and likes living and isnt a total slob?
maybe. but god i hope not.
