Life, it is hard.
Mar. 7th, 2007 06:32 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
winter_roguei started out this weekend comforting a friend who was worried she'd end up an old, alone spinster. then i had a long chat with another friend about what might be wrong with us since we didnt date regularly at all.
now, backstory, a friend of mine (call her GB) emailed me a few IM chat logs she's had with another friend of her's because between the two of them they end up having amazingly funny discussions about life and i off handedly mentioned it would make the good bones of a story. my friend took me seriously and let me read the majority of their chats. it was in one of such chats that i read something that hurt me, a lot. not something GB said but something her friend said, that i hadnt expected from him, especially considering he's spent the last two months getting to know me.
the whole thing sent me into a tailspin and i realized some stuff. about me, about life, about people. so many people are worried about being alone. and i'd allowed myself to kind of worry about that two when i shouldnt have. because thats not who i am, i dont worry about guys or relationships. and i don't let people hurt me. last year i had the mind set that if i worked and trained hard enough i could get to a point where i was strong enough and able-enough to face anything. that i didnt *need* someone else, that i could live on my own, happy and successful, until the day came that i met someone who was perfectly suited for me.
i'd forgotten all this. i'd let myself slip, become lazy, weak. it was like a kick in the teeth this weekend. it's why this yr has been so hard compared to last year.
now, i'm still in a funk about everything, a sort of hate-the-world attitude and i can't entirely shake it. and i dont know how entirely to act around our mutual friend. he knows i had to "rework a new headspace" and he knows he's "70%" responsible but i refuse to tell anymore. and sometimes i just can't help but be nasty back at him. which isnt fair, but on the other hand, i almost think it is.
life, it is so complicated and confusing, and i have to much work i need to catch up on this quarter. i had a physics test yesturday that i'm pretty much certain i failed.
in other news, it looks like the sis, bro-in-law, nephew and i shall be vacationing in Vancouver, Victoria, and the San Jauns this year. should be lots of fun. figured we'd better make use of the summer before they impose mandatory passports.
now, backstory, a friend of mine (call her GB) emailed me a few IM chat logs she's had with another friend of her's because between the two of them they end up having amazingly funny discussions about life and i off handedly mentioned it would make the good bones of a story. my friend took me seriously and let me read the majority of their chats. it was in one of such chats that i read something that hurt me, a lot. not something GB said but something her friend said, that i hadnt expected from him, especially considering he's spent the last two months getting to know me.
the whole thing sent me into a tailspin and i realized some stuff. about me, about life, about people. so many people are worried about being alone. and i'd allowed myself to kind of worry about that two when i shouldnt have. because thats not who i am, i dont worry about guys or relationships. and i don't let people hurt me. last year i had the mind set that if i worked and trained hard enough i could get to a point where i was strong enough and able-enough to face anything. that i didnt *need* someone else, that i could live on my own, happy and successful, until the day came that i met someone who was perfectly suited for me.
i'd forgotten all this. i'd let myself slip, become lazy, weak. it was like a kick in the teeth this weekend. it's why this yr has been so hard compared to last year.
now, i'm still in a funk about everything, a sort of hate-the-world attitude and i can't entirely shake it. and i dont know how entirely to act around our mutual friend. he knows i had to "rework a new headspace" and he knows he's "70%" responsible but i refuse to tell anymore. and sometimes i just can't help but be nasty back at him. which isnt fair, but on the other hand, i almost think it is.
life, it is so complicated and confusing, and i have to much work i need to catch up on this quarter. i had a physics test yesturday that i'm pretty much certain i failed.
in other news, it looks like the sis, bro-in-law, nephew and i shall be vacationing in Vancouver, Victoria, and the San Jauns this year. should be lots of fun. figured we'd better make use of the summer before they impose mandatory passports.
